I have a source of income other than my investments. For that I am extremely grateful. Other emotions that I am feeling are anger, hurt, frustration, confusion, and lonliness.
I had prayed for vindication (along with a steady source of income of course) after losing my first full-time + benefits job after being lied about, gossiped about, and treated as inept, and I got it. My former job, which I enjoyed a lot, wants me back. It’s another contract position, although I had applied for a full-time, but they want me back nonetheless. And these people are more reputable than they place I had been working full-time in my current locale. So now I can say that I am also satisfied, but this is also why I am confused.
They said they liked me work and the would hire me back, and their living up to that, if only I could tell me former boss who thougt it best to fire the person with the highest numbers. I would say nothing, just show the offer.
The contract position would not start until January. It’s investment analysis in financial services, so it would be a step in the right direction, and some people have gone on to top b-schools, although they had been working full-time and not as contractors…
So the question I am asking myself is: do I leave what I thought was my dream state to move back to the area that I had expected to stay in, but couldn’t? I would say yes, but I don’t want to rush into anything, especially since I still owe a lot for moving expenses here, and can’t really afford to move. I can’t afford to stay though.
I had called some friends to discuss this, and I feel that that was a mistake. I also probably was not clear. (So much for those excellent communication skills I claim to have.)
I started studying for the LSAT (again) last week, and the day after I started studying for the GMAT. I am shooting for the top 14 for both more or less, with some safeties that I hope will give me a full-ride. I will need to be more strategic about where I apply like with undergrad, especially considering that some of these applications are $250.. My application process for graduate school was chaotic. It’s too late for me to apply to start law school in fall 2015, but I can still apply to business school to start fall 2015. I have to wait to assess my scores, but I need options. I think either would be a good fit. And right before I graduated high school, I was considering both. I need to have a plan, but I am thinking that I also veered off the plan and wasted money getting an MA in International Affairs, but I will strive to keep looking forward.
So I called one friend in the area. I guess for advice, but from a place considering my situation and not hers. I feel that I gave that to her by listening to what she wanted to do with her life and told her to think about the path, but I do not feel that I got the same from her. I think her basis was perception and no first-hand experience. When I spoke to her about graduate school it was from the perspective of someone who had been through it, and probably rushed into it. My intentions were to stay in DC and work for a nonprofit or government entitity though. Her advice was to get work experience. Ok. Vague. I actually do have work experience. I’ve been working longer than she has. Her advice was also if I were to go to school, to work at the same time. (Blank stare.) That’s what I did in graduate school, and its not possible to do this in business school, at least for the places that I intend to attend. If for work experience, she meant at least a year with the same company, working 40 hours a week, and receiving company benefits, I could see that. But what exactly is the point of that? I’ve been able to work in a variety of industries. Finding a full-time job only became an issue when I could no longer use my parents’ health insurance, and when I did not want to have to keep living week to week, but in my private sector job, I also had to constantly prepare for being fired at any given notice. I have a meeting with a b-school advisor today, and I believe that that is who I should be speaking with about my chances of being admitted. I didn’t want to get on the defensive with my friend, but I was just expecting to hear something that I didn’t know and something that would help, but instead, I wanted to ask her if she wanted to financially support me, since she really seems to think that it’s just sitting there waiting to be grabbed. She’s also the one who sucked me into paying about $70 for a drink when I was unemployed. I feel like in this area, most people are like that, lacking the ability to empathize.
She also said that I am already well-educated. What does that have to do with anything? The point of getting a MA was not to be well-educated, it was to be employed, which brings me to my other friend.
My other friend is done “playing around” as she calls it. She wants to make a name for herself. You can’t be mad a that. She is working on starting her own business while being the stereotypical housewife combined with the majority of the child-rearing responsibilities, and finishing her MBA. She decided now that she wants a JD as well. She wants to be “well-educated” like what my other friend called it. They’re actually both from the same area… The housewife friend, to be blunt, carries herself like arm candy. Any bit of advice I would give, unfortunately would fall of deaf ears. She looked for jobs on CraigsList and her husband let her. He’s very well employed and I’m 100 percent certain he wasn’t looking on Craig’s List. She’s not on LinkedIn, and she’s doing a temp gig as a receptionist. She could easily get a business internship. She was talking about her husband’s salary with the promotion, so why not actually gain some relevent job experience? Unless she wasn’t being honest about the income, and then there’s the issues with her doing most of the house work and childrearing. Not making me want children, and certainly encouraging me not to rush to get married lest I marry the wrong one for me. She thinks we’re in the same boat. I guess maybe I could at least tell her that my temp gigs do not go on my resume. Only related experiences that support the brand I’m trying to establish go on the resume. Maybe she does not undersand this, but where is her husband in all of this? I don’t have enough energy for myself.
So I don’t want to alienate my friends, but I don’t get back what I put out, and that’s what actually led to some of the time spent away from these two people in particular. I feel the same way about the job market, even in this role that I am in now. I process payment: ie I send an email with a signature approving payment. I let people tell me to be the contact person, but when I’m actually contacted, I do not know what the payment is for. From prior experiences in this state, I’ve learning that proactivity is not rewarded. They prefer to micromanage and to have to tell you want to do, so here I do my job, I get the paycheck, that is it. So someone called me about an email I sent and wanted the backup. I learned this term from my last job. Ironic. The person then goes on to talk about what it’s for and to be very adamant about what is needed as if I am the one that should know. Then someone else contacted me about a voicemail I left and scheduling the service. Just because I am the point of contact for one thing, does not mean I am the point of contact for everything. But they had accustatory tones, like I should know what is not being told to me. This is the same thing that happened at the other place. I feel that basically, the conclusion is, I am not a good Administrative Assistant, and I don’t know why people think I am. It’s like who ever is hiring the vendor’s services should know what they need to send to the purhcasing department. I just make sure it gets there, and I can relay what’s missing, but it’s like I can only go off of what was told. The other people have more intimate connections with the vendors, so they should know the ends and outs of that, my scope is the main policy and the funnling of information to the appropriate person. Blame me if you don’t speak to the right person, but don’t blame me for giving insufficient information because I relayed all the info that was given.
So where does that leave us? I’m over this state and over being an administrative assistant/receptionist/pseudo administrative assistant (the other job called it Business Analyst). Put me in some back room where I generate reports, analyze data, and relay the findings. That’s what I do. I am not a gopher.
Also, I just thought of something about the friend who discouraged me from going to business school. She wants to quit her job because she feels that it is not one that would help her get into business school. So why in the hell is she encouraging me to continue being a temp and searching for jobs in vain? I wonder if selfishness is something that’s just in the water here…